What?? Studying... again?? I know I swore off studying the minute I left University of Canterbury.. couldn't stand the pressure of getting good grades and passing the course.. I for once.. am NOT going to repeat anything! So when I graduated .. I thought that THAT was the last of it for me..
But I've been thinking lately about getting my MBA (Masters of Business Administration).. so I did some research about it.. and somehow I found the 'Harvard MBA' website.. when it suddenly dawned on me that I'd always had a dream of going to Harvard (maybe it was from watching Legally Blonde!) and I got excited about it.. I had a look at Stanford as well (two Ivy Leagues that I've always wanted to attend) and both offers one of the top MBA courses in USA! Awesome.. what I wouldn't give to go back to the United States.. I'm in love with California! Looking deeper.. it seems that I need to get my GMAT (General Management Admissions Test) before applying to the MBA courses.. sure.. no problem.. so I downloaded GMATPrep.. which was an online test that you can do to test yourself.. I was excited.. downloading took FOREVER on the office internet.. and finally.. when I opened the application.. the first question was: if Y = 4 + (X-3)2, then Y is least when X = ? Holy Mother of *%@($# What on earth does that mean?? If the entire test was like this.. I'm screwed! I hated maths, and I was never good at it! It took me YEARS to understand Algebra.. and then it was easily forgotten after I got my degree and never put to use again! Oh well, at least it was multiple choice..
So I looked online, and I found this book..
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| GMAT for Idiots... |
Actually.. I think mine was the 13th Edition.. but never mind.. it's written by the creators for GMAT tests.. which means that it has to be good right? OMG.. I couldn't wait to open it up and get cracking.
Unfortunately, due to my busy schedule.. I could only really focus on studying on weekends.... and since I now have to work at my juice bar on Sundays, it's the perfect time for me to study (as the gym business is rather quiet on Sundays!).. so if I studied at home on Saturdays and study at the gym on Sundays, I figured I could get 12 solid hours of studying done per week.. and I've given myself 6 months to prepare for the test.. so overall.. I have given myself 288 hours to study for the GMAT. I'm aiming for a score of 700+/800! So ambitious right?
Til now, I have completed the maths questions in the book, but I'm going back through them just to understand it more clearly and learn which formula to apply to the questions. There's another 3 parts to the exam, which is sentence correcting, data analyzing and essay writing. Pretty scary stuff.. I've always had a thing for stressing out over exams, and especially results.. and no doubt I'll be stressing over this one when the time comes! I'll probably take the test in October 2013, just in time for January cut-offs for US applications.
I've also looked at UK..and the best place to go is London School of Business.. and the second best place to go is University of Bath.. they're much cheaper than going to Harvard too.. and University of Bath is only a one year MBA course.. oooo.. all these pros and cons.. how will I ever decide which one to go to? But then again.. it all depends on which course accepts me.. and it all depends highly on my application form.
Now most people have asked me why I want to do MBA (frankly speaking.. there's not really a need to get MBA when you're working in such a small town like Kuching).. but I say that I want to get it to better myself for the future.. when I'm looking after an organization.. wouldn't it be better if I equip myself with knowledge on how to manage that? And I see an opportunistic future where things are going to grow bigger and better for Kuching...
So that's my plan for the rest of the year.. wish me luck okay? :)
5 years ago.. I was lying in a hospital bed.. my home for 2 months.. having been diagnosed with Anorexia Bulimia. I was only 46kgs.. skeletal in my tall frame.. 5 years ago.. I started healing.
Hurt as a small child.. teased as a teenager.. betrayed as an adult.. I was heading down the slippery slopes of depression.. see I started working for Project Goth Pty Ltd (later known as Mig33 Inc) in 2005.. I moved to Perth where I knew no one and I for one, found this as a great opportunity to transform myself. I became the one that needed everyone to like me, the pleaser.. things got hectic at work, being a start-up company.. and I started skipping meals.. first it was just breakfast.. then lunch.. then cutting down on my dinner when I saw the weight falling off.. in one year.. I lost close to 20kgs and I love the transformation of seeing a skinny me.
In July 2006, I moved to Sydney.. where I picked up the gym.. BodyPump became a release for my energy and I felt great after each workout.. best of all.. now that I was living on my own in Sydney, I could eat whatever I wanted.. with no prejudice. I still skipped breakfast and lunch.. but was gorging on fast food for dinner.. Bodypump kept my weight steady and my body fit... I loved seeing the muscles build up.. the body being fitter and toner.
In September 2007, I moved to San Francisco.. where the gym was not readily available.. so I stopped all gym routines.. my eating habits became more erratic as I would skip breakfast and lunch.. and sometimes even dinner.. by 2008, my work life became unbearable and I couldn't tolerate my manager. Worst still.. I confided in my ex-boss the things that happened to me as a child.. once my secret was out.. I didn't know where to turn to.. suddenly it became real.. and I had to deal with it.. on my own.. as my ex-boss didn't do anything to help.. I started throwing up my dinner every night to deal with the pain. by September 2008.. I was going down a spiral of depression.. drinking myself drunk almost every other night to cope with losing control over work situation.. which was my life. I controlled my food intake even more and purging all my food.. my weight quickly went down.
On Christmas Eve 2008.. I took the first step in seeing a psychiatrist (recommended by my GP).. I was sent to rehab to get over my drinking binges.. and for the first time.. being confined to four walls never felt so safe.. 3 days there and I was crying bucket loads when I had to leave that safety wall. As we talked about my childhood.. the worst I felt and the more weight I lost. I was getting blood tests weekly to make sure I wasn't depleting myself of minerals and vitamins.
On 30th March 2009.. my weight plummeted below 105 pounds and I was admitted into Alta Bates Hospital.. being placed in ED treatment. My home for the next 2 months.. I decided to come clean about my past to my doctor.. Dr Ansai.. and I worked closely with him and all the counselors to get through my past. I credit them for saving my life.. for helping me through my darkest moments. Because of them, I started to heal.
It's now 2013.. and it's been up and down... I've mostly conquered ED, although weight is still a big issue for me... I'm learning to deal with my past and to let my walls down..
5 more years from now, I hope to be free of ED and free from my past. I hope to be off medication for depression and I hope to be able to accept my body for what it is. Don't worry folks.. I'm working hard on it.. :)
5 years from now.. I want to be HAPPY...
I've been so stressed out lately that's it's showing physically.. my face is popping out in zits (like huge ones!!!) and I'm missing a certain monthly occurrence.. which is kinda weird since I'm taking OCP.. which means that it's SUPPOSE to come! That's making me even more stressed out..
I think I'm a highly strung person.. I mean.. what on earth has gotten me so stressed out? Well, as per my previous post.. my colleague is causing major headache with her reaction to getting a pay cut.. which is leaving me so worried that the Labor court will actually make a case against us and we'll have to go to court.. although I shouldn't be that worried because I didn't break any Labor Ordinance Rules. I mean even LK (lawyer) has assured me that I followed the books.. so why is my mind telling me to be worried? In any case, I've registered mailed her non-confirmation of contract letter, and today is her day back from leave and she's not in the office. 2 days of this and it's grounds for termination due to non-conformance. Win win situation either way. So why am I so stressed out about it?
So where do you run to .. to escape from everything.. well, I ran to Singapore! A last minute 2 night trip there to escape from my current life. What a well needed break it was. And since I'm known to self-destruct when things get tough.. PrincessBling didn't allow me to go to Singapore by myself, so guess who decided to tag along.. PrincessBling and hubby! We flew out Friday night and checked into Mandarin Orchard Road hotel at 11pm.. then it was straight out to the nearest pub for a few drinks.. we ended up at Brotzeit at Sommerset 313.. where we polished of 1 beer (me) and 3 bottles of wine in approximately 2 hours.. Brotzeit shuts its doors at 1am. I went back to the hotel feeling happy and buzzed.. next day we went to Wild Honey for brunch.. where I had bacon and eggs.. omg.. it feels so good to be eating Western breakfast again. Can't get good bacon in Kuching.. let alone proper Western meals! Lunch was at Malones (Irish pub) and tea time was at KPO (more drinks).. before going to dinner at The Prime Society in Dempsey.. where I had a succulent piece of ribeye 300gm.. which was way more than I could handle. The brussel sprouts with bacon that I ordered as a side was divine! Love brussels sprouts. We moved on to Wine Connections after that for a few more bottles of wine before calling it a night... again, was so buzzed and happy.. and not thinking about anything. Next morning.. we went for Dim Sum at Crystal Jade Palace in Takashimaya.. then went about doing some last minute shopping before finally heading to the airport and coming back to Kuching.
It was a well needed break for me.. just to get away from the norm.. I can't really explain it.. but I felt like going somewhere where I was totally anonymous and could lose myself in the crowd without having to think about all my troubles... all my stresses..
There is one more thing that is causing me stress, and that's dealing with heartache. I never felt this way before .. and it's depressing.. but I saw a saying today that says "Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows".. and that's true.. see, there's this guy I like.. but the feelings not returned.. and I don't know how to react.. because I never felt this way for a guy before.. on the plus side.. I've finally let down my walls that I've built for so many years and I've allowed myself to fall in love.. but if this is the feeling you get .. I might just build up my walls again... how do you get passed this? "Many more fishes in the sea" I'm told.. but how do you catch without a fishing rod? Man I've got so much to talk with my psychologist.. she'll be proud that I've come this far though .. but how do you let it go?....
Wow, I realized that it's been awhile since I last blogged.. reason being.. there's nothing interesting happening to blog about! Okay, maybe not, but I've just been going through some stuff that I don't feel like blogging about, and it's pretty much taken a lot of my time... and energy.. but I now figured.. where else can I rant if I am not able to rant here?
I'm still flying out to Bintulu once a month to deal with payroll.. it's a tedious job, that's going to be lighter now that everyone finally understood that we meant business when we said that we no longer want to use time cards! We now rely on a fingerprinting system to clock in and out of work. That makes payroll so much easier. This month was no different.. except this time, I flew to Bintulu with my new minion! She's going to be the one going to Bintulu going forward! (although I'll still have to accompany her for the next few months!)
Keying in data is the tedious part.. we spent two whole days keying it in that I had to miss my returning flight to Kuching in order to finish the payroll. Instead, I had to buy a whole new ticket leaving lunch the next day. That was when shit happened. See, I have 3 administration people there.. two admin clerks and one site administrator. One clerk was on maternity leave so I have two staff on hand. Well, the site administrator is Lazy with a capital L! It seems like my questions are always answered with an 'I don't know lah!' What the hell am I paying you so much for then? So that morning, I sat down with her, and explained to her that I was reducing her job scope, therefore I am reducing her salary as well. I mean, logical isn't it? She was calm.. said she'll read the contract and let me know. I thought it went pretty well... until I was at the airport waiting to depart when all hell broke loose. I received an email from her .. and boy was she angry. Now, firstly, her English was atrocious, making it difficult for me to understand what on earth she's on about (and to think.. we rely on her to take minutes!) and secondly... she accused me of being "young and inexperienced"... OMG.. this is the second time in my working life that I've been accused of that! Like.. dude.. I have 9 years working experience already man.. at least she thinks I'm young =D
She went on and demanded a 10 day leave from the project manager.. who foolishly signed it (Sigh) and went on an SMS rampage with me (double sigh) and threatened to go to the labor department etc.. I'm not worried cos I didn't break any laws. That night, I got a call from a colleague that some files were mysteriously gone from the server (uh-oh.. sabotage?) and the next day, I got a call from our other clerk saying that all the data in the fingerprint system is gone. OMG.. sabotage?? I had to make an emergency trip to Bintulu... and luckily was able to salvage all the data, although it did take me a whole day to do it. All throughout the day, the Site Administrator was sending me SMS .. badmouthing one of my supervisors at the site, saying that he's stolen money etc..
That's it! I don't want to downgrade her anymore.. I want her OUT of the company. She has a potty mouth.. but I can't just fire her.. I'll be breaking all sorts of labor law (I'm pretty sure that's what she wanted).. so after several maydays to HR managers and Labor law lecturers.. I got my answer.. and I'm so happy with it.
- She's under probation so I can not-confirm her position, therefore terminating her as soon as possible.
- She can't take that to the labor court because of my full-proof employee handbook that states that she had to be confirmed in writing.
- She doesn't have a case against us (I hope)
Yup, it looks like HR wins.... =D Oh, and I've already hired someone new to take her position as site administrator... Boo ya!
