Inside my Mind...

Well, it's the end of Week 1 in my September Goal.. on the way to losing 5kgs... how have I done?

Okay, so I have not been that diligent in exercising every single day, though I managed to do it from Friday to Monday.  I managed to lose 1kg (putting 0.4kgs back on) so in total, I have lost 0.6kgs in one week.. not a bad progress if you ask me :)  I've been watching my diet, not over eating and not eating those oily food.  Although I have rewarded myself with the odd KFC piece.. I don't over indulge much in 'treats'.

This progress is moving far too slow for me.. I have to be more diligent in my gym work for the next week.  I am very proud to announce however, that I have not touched alcohol for 6 days.  I can see my 'beer belly' diminishing!  I find that the less I drink, the less I want to go out.. and the less I start to crave a drink.. oh my gosh.. I'm starting to have no life!

Living with an eating disorder

You never fully recover from an eating disorder.  You merely go into remission.. if you're clean for 7 years, yes you might have beaten it, but it's still within you.

I have been in remission for awhile now.. but everyday I fight the urge to not eat, the urge to purge.. it's in my every thought, and I fight a battle with food daily.  I feel disgusted if too much goes through my mouth, anxious if too little goes through my mouth and I don't know what's 'just right'.

So is my losing 5kgs a sign of my eating disorder rearing it's ugly head again?  I don't know.  My psychiatrist (random one I saw at SGH) said this morning that 5kgs was drastic.. is it?  I was dropping about 2kgs a week when I was anorexic.. how is 5kgs a month drastic?

I play the numbers game.. weighing myself every day, twice a day sometimes thrice.  I know muscles weigh more than fat, I know the scale is just a number.. but NUMBERS MATTER.  I don't care about fat distribution, I don't care if 70kgs on my tall frame is more normal than on a short person.. it's 70 KGS!!! (Oh btw.. no I'm not 70kgs.. I'm not revealing my weight here!)  So don't tell me that I'm at healthy weight because I AM NOT.. if you want to count BMI, yes.. I'm near being overweight, so there you go.  So to me, losing 5kgs is essential because I want the numbers to go down!

There's not a day that goes by that I didn't wish that I was back at 46kgs with a BMI of 15.  I was happy then.  But I'm living with it, learning to accept that I wasn't born to be skinny.  I just want to be healthy.

But I have a goal now.. to fit into my ball gown.. I hardly think that's my eating disorder speaking..

Don't worry, I think I have a good hold on it now, and I'm much strong now than I was when my eating disorder first came about, back in 2005. I'm in a better place now :)

What's in the Pipelines

It's now September.. 3/4 of the year has flown by so quickly and I can't believe that soon we'll be in the year 2013.  So many things has happened this year...

1. Olympics 2012 - Malaysia won one silver and one bronze medal
2. I touched down in Greece, a dream place of mine to visit
3. I went to America and Japan in a matter of one month
4. I met up with my counselor and psychiatrist in America who treated me in 2009
5. I've set up several processes in the company.. 
6. I've finished my very first 10km marathon within 2 hours!

Wow.. that seems quite little.. hahaha

But the rest of the year looks fuller with several things that's gonna happen.

Birthday Overseas Experience

Well, I will be flying to America on 24th October to celebrate my turnkey birthday with PrincessBling in San Francisco.  We've already planned to remain fit and not overindulge in all the good food that San Francisco has to offer.  I won't say that I won't binge.. but at least it's just a 3 week holiday! We made a pact to hit the gym daily.  Things that I'm looking forward to are:

• CRABS!  San Francisco Crab House has dungeoneous crabs that are simply to die for!  They grill the legs in butter, oil, garlic and peppercorn.  DROOLZ.
• Lake Tahoe!  Am visiting my best pals there and we're going to drink, gamble and chat til the morning sun come out.  We're also planning Champagne Brunch there to celebrate our birthday.
• American Breakfast - yes.. bacon and eggs!
• Simply chilling out and hanging out with ma sista, chatting with a nice bottle of wine.. sorry sis.. for me, it's QUALITY, not QUANTITY..
• Napa Valley - we're planning on trying French Laundry as a treat to ourselves.. a once in a lifetime experience at a 3 star Michelin restaurant.
• Meeting up with Bro-In-Law's friends and colleagues
• EATING EATING EATING

Golly.. hope I can achieve that all in 3 weeks! 

Gym Juice Bar

Yes, I've followed PrincessBling's footsteps and am forging into the world of F&B.  Uncle Dan is opening a gym called Phoenix Gym and I'm doing the juice bar there.  Don't quite have a name for it yet though.
I'm following Boost Juice's concept, selling smoothies with added supplements for those who wants it. I'm also selling wheatgrass juice and normal fruit juices, like apple and orange.  But what puts me above all other juice bar is that I will be treating this like a cafe.  I'm serving healthy food like grilled ham sandwiches, maybe some healthy wraps.. and I'll be serving coffee as well.
Due Date of this?  Hopefully by the end of November 2012.  Or beginning of December will be better for me since I'm only back from America on the middle of November.

Standard Chartered 2012 Marathon Singapore

Yes!  Participating in my 2nd Singapore Marathon, to be held on 2nd December 2012.  I've joined the 10km women's category and I'm just hoping that the cutoff time for the finisher's medal is 2 hours.  I've started training for it, and I hope to beat my first time by 15 minutes and finish in 1 and a half hours!  
Not sure how I'll last in this one as it's a morning run, not a night run, so you can expect it to be really hot.

I've actually joined the Penang Bridge marathon too, but I'll be just arriving from USA, so I don't think I can participate in that one.

Tatler Ball 2012

I'm taking my niece, Valerie with me this time.  She's a budding fashion designer, and I hope that by taking her with me to this socialite dinner, she might just find the right person to help her launch her designs!  If not.. well, it'll be fun mingling anyway.  I'm just sad that PrincessBling won't be joining me this year.

Koko's Wedding!

Last but not least, is my ex-colleague, dear friend's wedding at the end of November in Singapore.  Good luck and all the best to him and his wifey.


Well there you have it.. that's what's in the pipeline for the rest of the year.  What's in the pipelines for next year?  Hahaha.. I have plans already.. but none of them are concrete at this point.  But there's things like... expansion of juice bar, trip to Australia and New Zealand, more marathons... more traveling.. more more more! hahahahaha

My Job

Most people don't know what I do.. heck sometimes I don't even know what I do at work.  My title is EXECUTIVE OF HR AND ADMINISTRATION.  Doesn't that sound fancy?  I pretty much handle the day to day HR work as well as Admin work.

Now, it might come to a shock.. that with such a high position, my background (studies) is actually not in Human Resource.  Nope.. I have a double major in E-Commerce and Marketing (combining gives you E-Marketing).  What exactly is that?  Well, let's break it down.  IT component gives me the knowledge of building databases, building websites, writing programs etc.. and the Marketing component gives me the knowledge of selling products.  Combining.. it's pretty much sums it as selling online.  Hahaha.. 

I worked in this field for 5 years, being posted in Perth, Sydney and San Francisco.  Work experience was great!  Money was fabulous!  Colleagues were awesome!  Boss/Managers?  Sent me on a spiraling downward slope into depression. Which is why people, I'm back in Kuching!

Since there is practically no market for E-Commerce in Kuching, I decided to take on the HR role.  Well, fine.. it just landed on my lap because the Finance Director (who handles HR and Admin) was leaving the company.  Big shoes to fill.. considering the Finance Director was with the company for over 20 years!

So what do I do?  This just clears it for people who think that I don't do enough at work!  (not that any of those people are reading my blog.. hahahaha)

1. I manage the payroll at the end of every month. It's on my head if people don't get paid on time and it's on my head if there is a mistake on the payroll.  I have to make sure:
• Every new employee is entered into the payroll system and I need to make sure that they provide their Maybank account, their EPF/Socso/Income Tax number
• Make sure their basic pay is correct, and all allowances are given out accordingly
• Allowances are given in pro-rata to the date that they joined 

1. I arrange for interviews with new candidates and sometimes have to do the interview myself.. hell as daunting since I don't know what to ask.  Sometimes I'm not even the qualified one to be asking the questions.
2. I do all the paperwork required to get AP for foreign workers.  That means filling in sheets of paper, doing advertising on the newspaper, holding interviews etc.  (we're in the midst of hiring lots of foreign workers, so there's tons of paperwork and calling up offices to chase them on approving it)
3. I manage all employees, giving out letter of offer, letter of promotion, letter of confirmation
4. I write tons of memos a day, just to make sure that there is a paper flow and no one can 'forget' or 'misinterpret' a conversation.
5. I do all the nasty work like telling off an employee for misconduct, deal with grievances
6. I write all the policies and procedures of the company, just so that there is a normal workflow
7. I am involved in ISO 9001, which means lots of documentation and procedures, which is why I'm doing number 6.  So each audit will flow on easier each year.
8. I'm in charged of purchasing and managing the company credit card.  I deal with purchase of hampers, air tickets and other miscellaneous things for the company.  At the end of every month, I have to produce all the receipts to match the purchases made.
9. I'm in charges of Leaves (annual, sick, compassionate etc) and have to manage it carefully to make sure that no one overtakes too many days (they will have to pay back) and no one has too many days of leave (get them to clear it).

So that's just a brief summary of SOME of the things I do at work.  I don't just Facebook and Chat you know :P

Sorry for the no-picture blogs lately.. I lost my camera and don't have the software to connect my Blackberry to my computer.. so I'm pictureless at the moment.

September 2012 Goals

I've been invited to the Tatler Magazine 2012 Ball again this year.. it's the 3rd year that I've been invited and I'm excited to be attending again.  Which reminds me, better RSVP before I forget!  For those that don't know, Tatler Magazine is a magazine about the high society in Malaysia.  That's right.. I am part of the High Society.. hahaha.. just kidding.. I'm just riding on the coat-tails of other High(er) Society people.
But I must say.. I've appeared on Tatler 3 times this year!  Once for PrincessBling's wedding writeup, once for Ronald's wedding writeup and once for Sereni's wedding writeup.

So luckily, I have planned for this invite and went ahead and bought a dress from BCBG ages ago.. shipped it to PrincessBling who brought it for me to Greece.  I wasn't too sure about the size.. on hindsight, I should have paid more attention to the word 'slim-cut' and bought a bigger size, but I didn't.  I just bought the size that I normally wear.  It's a gorgeous ballgown, pink tones with slight flare on the skirt.. nothing too poofy, and with flower embroidery all over the inner lining of the dress.

Anyway, I finally.. FINALLY got the courage to try on the dress on Hari Merdeka.. just because I need to know whether it'll fit for the Tatler Ball!  Much to my dismay, the top was about 2 inches too small.. and there was no way I could zip it up.. so right on the spot.. I made a pact..

1. I will lose 5kgs in the month of September!
2. I will stop binge drinking in a bid to lose the weight
3. I will endeavor to exercise every single day for at least 30 minutes - I read in the papers on Sunday that a 30 minute workout is more effective than a hour long workout!
4. I will eat mindfully and not end up binging/over-eating to the point that I feel so guilty that the world is coming to an end

My pact started straight away on Hari Merdeka, with 20 minute workout on the elliptical, 30 minutes running on the treadmill, 10 pushups, 200 situps and 20 arm pushes.  I stayed home for dinner, and I did not go out binge drinking.  I continued the workout on 1st and 2nd of September, and although there was slight binge drinking on the 1st, I was good on the 2nd.  And I plan to remain good for the rest of the month.

It's showing on the scales already.. with a weight loss of 1kg since Hari Merdeka.  I hope that it's not just water loss and hope to see grander results in the coming weeks.  I will keep you all updated on my September Goal as the month goes by..

Don't you worry.. I will FIT in my dress if it kills me.. who knows, might just return to being a gym junkie like I was oh.. YEARS ago.  

One of the reasons for my quest to FIT into my dress.. I have no backup dresses that are ball worthy.  I have simple dresses.. so if worst comes to worst.. I will wear them and accessorize with BLING.. ahahaha but lets hope it won't come to that. 

So.. the weight loss saga begins....

All Grown Up....

Was catching up with an old friend (12 years of friendship!) at Toms just now.. and we were reminiscing of the great fun that we had in Christchurch when we were studying, and how we were the pillar of rock for each other emotionally and psychically.. I'm just so grateful to have such good friends around me.

Cryptkeeper and AlanHarperIsMyIdol has been my best friends for more than half my life.. we became besties in Primary 4, and I know that no matter what, we'll remain besties til the time I die.. that's cos we've been through ups and downs.. and are still besties after all this time.  Even after catching up with them in person after not seeing each other for years, it's as if our conversation never left from our last conversation.. know what I mean?

I caught up with "Freezer" for lunch and we talked about what our friends are going through now.. second child, divorce etc.. and it's like we've just saw each other the other day (well, technically, I did visit her during Hari Raya..) but the conversation just flowed so smoothly.

Whose going through divorce?  Our friend/fiend :P "Smoocher".. not as in kisses.. but as in one that 'steals' off another.  She's known to me as a slut.. but hey, that's my opinion.  I mean, if you were to sell yourself for free rent, you're a prostitute in my books.  Not to mention 'go home' with your divorce attorney.. what am I supposed to think?

How about second child.. our first friend that I made in New Zealand.. "sweetie pie".. she's awesome.  I remember a time when I was working in Sydney and feeling down in the dumps.. she flew over from Christchurch to keep me company during the weekend.. no questions asked.  I could never ask for more from a friend.  She's having her second child in October, another son.  I can't wait to go visit her next year (or whenever I get the chance to!)

As for Freezer, she's doing really well for herself in Miri.  She got married a year ago and has not looked back since.  It's always been great catching up with her.  Looking forward to our next meeting.. maybe karaoke tomorrow night! hahaha

Friends.. you need them!

Kuching Drivers... what can I say?

I totally understand how people can actually succumb to road rage.. trust me, I've been at the wheels many times when I wish that I had a shot gun that I can just take out and eliminate the driver in front of me.

Now.. I'm not saying that I am the best driver in the world.. but I would like to point out that at least I drive with common sense!

Granted.. it's not easy to navigate a 3 lane roundabout.. I reckon Malaysia is the ONLY place that does it.. but rule of thumb.. you stick to the closest exit lane when you want to exit!  Don't try to exit at the last minute from the middle lane!  Do you know how many near accidents I've almost had with cars coming into my lane at the last minute trying to swerve for their exit?

And what about coming out from a roundabout?  Naturally, you stick behind the white line and wait until there is no cars then you exit.  Don't expect cars to not hit you when you are literally one car length out from the white line and totally in the way of the oncoming car!  In situations like this, come out quickly.. don't just park your car there and avoid the glare of the person in the car that you just blocked!

And driver who want to drive at 20kmph.. come on.. at least stick to the side so others can safely over take you.  And seriously.. do you feel as if you're driving really fast at that speed?  It's not really safe driving at that speed on the highway!

And if you decided to turn out from an entrance really fast.. keep up that speed when you drive.. do not slow down causing the car behind you to brake!  It's annoying.. and if you were taking a driving exam... you would have failed!

And lastly.. is it so hard to signal?  Just a little click of the handle.. I actually like hearing the click of the handle.. why don't you give it a try?

Grrrr... makes driving more stressful than it is.. but what can I say, at least it makes the day more colorful.

So what's been happening?

Man.. sorry for the long hiatus.. but been lazy to blog these days as nothing much has been happening.  Just had a one week break, with me going to Singapore and Hari Raya holidays.. so here's just a recap over the month and what's been happening in my life =)

In the beginning of August 2012, I made a trip down to Bintulu to conduct some interviews for site supervisors.. I stayed two nights in Bintulu Kemena Hotel.. it's a pretty nice hotel too.. so one day was spent in Bintulu itself, and the next day, we drove 2 hours to Sungai Asap to conduct the interview there for our Murum project.  It was a fun road trip, with one of the worst road conditions I have ever experienced.  Bintulu itself was pretty boring, I couldn't imagine staying there for a week!  I spent both nights at the bar, enjoying nice cold glasses of Hoegaarden beer.. my favorite.. but let's just say, when mission was completed and all interviews and AP applications were processed.. I was ready to hobnob it out of there!

It was my best friends AlanHarperIsMyIdol and Cryptkeeper's birthday mid-August.  I wish I was there to mark the occasion with them, but I was traveling way too much and therefore couldn't afford a trip to Australia this year, but I'm definitely planning a trip to Melbourne, Sydney and Christchurch next year!  I'm already saving my Enrich points for free tickets!

I traveled to Singapore mid-August for 4 days, returning on the Eve of Hari Raya.  Went up to Singapore to visit my Grandmother as she was celebrating her 85th birthday!  Also, it was my regular visit with my psychiatrist and psychologist. I saw a fellow inpatient (when I was admitted in Singapore at the beginning of 2010) who seems to be suffering deeply in her eating disorder.. she was down to just slightly above 30 kilos!  I must say, it's very triggering seeing all this skinny girls, but I must keep strong.  What I did notice about most of this skinny girls.. is how extremely big their feet looks.. weird huh?  Had really good sessions, it's good seeing Dr Lee and Vivien again.  I got told off by Dr Lee for not taking my meds.. mainly cos I didn't want to take it, and I got lazy.. but after suffering from withdrawal symptoms so bad that I wanted to rip my head off.. I've put myself back on the anti-depressants and don't think I'll be missing it anytime soon!  Caught up with Kien, Mela, Koko and Mie Mie in Singapore.. it was nice to see them again.. just had the realization that we all worked in the same company one time or another.  First night, we went for Panini (YUM!) and second night we went for crepe!  Third night was the start of the Ghost Month, so none of them wanted to go out and come home late.. wow.. didn't know that they were so superstitious.. so I was home on a Friday night, indulging in crabs.. yummy!  Although ONE crab did cost me SGD36!  Talk about a rip off..

Hari Raya.. ahh.. another occasion of indulgence.  Too many rendang and curries to taste.. oh and guess what.. had a blast from the past when I met Miss Chow at Bujano's house.. she knew me, but couldn't recognize me.  She only recognized Ron, and Ron introduced me as his 'sister' and Miss Chow asked 'where's Lisa and Laura?' and I was like.. "Ummm.. I'm Lisa'.. and she was astonished (no doubt by my great beauty :P) and said 'wow, if I saw you on the streets, I wouldn't have recognized you!'  Reminding me of the time where I did see her on the street crossing the road and almost rammed into her with my car!

So now, it's back to work.. and I must say, after a week's hiatus, I am excited to be back at work.  What a nerd!  hahaha

So there you have it, a month full of partying and traveling.. I'm looking to travel more in the next few months, going back to USA to catch up with PrincessBling and my great pals Dave and Jannine.. planning an escape to KL for a weekend, going to Singapore for Koko's wedding in November and back again a week later for the Standard Chartered Marathon.. 

Man I love traveling! :)