Monday 16 April 2012

Self Esteem

I never had great self-esteem.. I can pin it down to instances that occurred during my lifetime as contributors to my low self-esteem.. 
  1. Was punished in Primary 2 and told to stand at the back of the classroom.  When I was called back to the front of the room, I saw the long walk as my run way and started to smile.. only to be promptly told by Mr Combover.. "Stop smiling.  I hate your smile".. 
  2. When auditioning for the concert in Primary 5, Winifred
    Courtesy of CryptKeeper's blog!
    was ushering girls to form a group and said "pretty ones in this group" and ushered her 'pets' into that group.. needless to say.. I wasn't in that group.
  3. In New Zealand, I was always getting called Fat.. once by Horseface.. "Why are you so fat?"
  4. Always being compared to my prettier and skinnier twin.. "I can tell you guys apart because you are the fatter one".
So you can believe that I grew up shy and withdrawn.. it's no wonder I developed an eating disorder in my 20s.  I guess I just got sick of being called fat and having a tough time with my body image.  I became anorexic and spent 2 months as an inpatient and 1 month as an outpatient in Alta Bates Hospital Berkeley.

I feel that since recovering from Anorexia, the circle has started again.. I'm beginning to feel the self-loathe and my self-esteem has plummeted.. latest case?

Being told by a retard (yes.. he's literally a retard) that he "Can do better" than me in finding a girlfriend.  Great, even a retard finds me repulsive. 

Great for my self-esteem isn't it?
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3 comments:

  1. Unknown16 April 2012 at 19:53

    Gotta start loving life my sister dear. You have no idea how lucky and how privilege you have it. Start enjoying it! You are beautiful and smart and friendly and have a great personality. That's all that matters. Love!

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  2. AlanHarperIsMyIdol16 April 2012 at 23:06

    OMG who is this retard? What an A-hole. He is probably saying that because he himself has low self-esteem from being a retard and wants to make himself feel better.

    I agree with Princess Bling though. Speaking from someone who is born poor/middle class (plus fortunately blessed with acne case eventhough she's almost 30 - nice, right?) I can tell you you really have no idea how lucky and privileged you are! And to be born tall and pretty again. Seriously, you struck it lucky in the lottery of life and genetics! Embrace and enjoy it! =) Did I mention my friends who looked at my blog saw your pics and told me you are so pretty? =D

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  3. MikhaelfBlue17 April 2012 at 02:25

    I agree with ChanelFan and Ahimi. You've got to realise how privileged and lucky you are in life. You could have been born starving in Africa or in a war-torn country, you could have been born with physical defects, you could have been born with parents who didn't want or love you. But you're not. Stop dwelling on all the superficial and the negatives in the past - start being grateful and love your beautiful life!

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