Obsession

I am obsessed with my weight right now.. it's simply too much!  I am at the epitome of my life (nearing mid-life crisis) and I'm still hung up about my weight!  What is wrong with this picture?

I weigh myself up to 3x a day.. when I first wake up, after lunch and after dinner, as if by some miracle, the weigh will decrease after meals!  But if I don't weigh myself.. I stress about what the weight 'could be'.. 

I've always been obsessed with my weight.. although most of the time I'm too lazy to do anything about it.  It started during puberty.. when I started growing hips and boobs.. I became 'curvy', and at first it was okay.. until we weighed ourselves (in front of the entire class) in Form 1.. I was the heaviest girl in class.. Who cares about the fact that I was also the tallest?  Numbers on that scale is all that matters.  From then on.. all I hear is about how fat I am.. the folds of fat around my belly.. "Why are you so fat?" I was even asked once in High School.

I did something drastic when I moved to Perth.. I decided on a brand new life.. so I adopted a new attitude, and started starving myself.  The weight fell off like butter.. and I was ecstatic!  Then it became the way I controlled my life when stress at work got too much.  I was losing control at work, so I would control my weight.  The more I loss, the greater I am.. this 'control' caused me to end up in the hospital for 2 months, where I had to put on 20 pounds before being released.  Yes, I was that skinny.

Now I'm the opposite of skinny.. I'm bordering on overweight (according to my BMI).. and it's becoming a joke to me.. "No I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat".  That's my tagline for the past few months.

I don't think I look that pregnant.. maybe it's my posture.. but by NO MEANS is my belly as huge as my sisters (she's 8 months preggars!) but I've been accused of it 4 times now.  Twice by Air Asia staff (idiots), once by a total stranger who thought I was Christine.. and once by a family friend who refused to give me wine cos "oh you're pregnant".

So now, I decided that I'm going to do something about it. The healthy way.  I'm hitting the gym daily and watching my diet.  I feel trimmer already.. and I'm not going to let the scale affect me as much.  Instead of obsessing to be thin, I will start obsessing to be fit!  Obsess about accomplishing my next marathon with a good time.. in other words, I will start a good obsession.. 

It takes 21 days to start a habit, and one day to break it.. which will it be?